The factors involved in producing a given behavior in a child are far too numerous for us to know, and far too complicated and inter-related for us to understand.
Blowing in the Wind
I spent two years living in the islands of Samoa, about 8500 miles of flying from my present home in Georgia. During that time I learned to speak Samoan, the native language, including a variant called “the chief’s language.” In the latter form, metaphors are used extensively, which require practice to understand.
When entering the home of an ali’i, or high chief, I might have said, “E le falala fua le niu, ‘ae falala ona o le matagi.” A literal translation would be, “The palm tree doesn’t sway for no reason, but because of the wind.” The metaphorical meaning was, “I have not come to your home for no reason, but have a purpose in mind.”
From Whence the Wind?
Let’s stick with the literal translation, that trees don’t sway on their own, but move because of the wind. But saying “the wind” is hardly a complete explanation.
The wind is an interaction between the energy of the sun, the angle of the earth’s axis, the warmth of the surrounding land and water, the evaporation of water vapor, the rotation of the earth, the presence or absence of clouds, greenhouse gases, and events unseen, unexplained, and possibly far away from the wind being described.
The generation of wind is so complex that after all the computer advances of generations, and all the weather data gathered by thousands of observers, we still cannot accurately predict weather.
The Wind and Our Children
Similar to the wind, our children’s behavior is a complex interaction of genes, epigenetic proteins, training, external events in the present, past experiences of the child, long-past experiences of the child’s parents and grandparents and more.
The culture, nutrients in the child’s food, toxins in the air, gamma rays, sub-atomic particles, the music being played nearby, the behavior of friends, and who-knows-what-else all contribute to their behavior.
In short, everything really is connected, but rarely do we understand completely the causes of any particular event or choice. We can’t know all those things, much less influence them all.
So what are we left with? Are we helpless? Specifically, what can we do to help our children experience life in a way that would be most fulfilling for them?
Provide the Wind that will Fill Your Child's Sails
We can’t change the DNA we gave our children—at least not yet. We can influence their epigenome, but this process is incompletely understood, to say the least.
We can give them medication to change their body chemistry, but this is unpredictable, both in the short term and especially over extended periods.
The truth is that we can’t choose how our children feel or behave. We CAN choose, however, whether we are unconditionally loving toward them, which involves far more than kindness or indulgence.
We can teach them eternal and practical principles, which will provide them with the option of wise choices they would not otherwise see. If they feel loved as they are educated, they will tend to make those wiser choices and enjoy much happier lives.
It is our responsibility to provide them with those advantages, to give them the kind of winds that will fill their sails and allow them to choose a course that will not capsize or otherwise sink them.
Summary
Each event in the world—the wind being one example—is connected to and caused by so many other events that we couldn’t possibly understand them all.
Human beings are at least as complicated as the wind, which means that we could not understand—certainly could not influence—all the causes of any given feeling or choice.
What remains is for us to be as loving and positive an influence on our children as we can. We can choose to love and teach them with all the ability we presently possess, recognizing that the results may not always be what we might prefer.
