Watch as Greg describes the process of what change looks like once someone believes they are loved and feels that love. It dissolves tension in mind and body.
Transcript:
This is what change looks like when an unhappy woman is told the truth about herself, feels understood and accepted, believes it, has faith, and feels the love she’s given.
What a Disastrous Life Looks Like
I spoke with a middle-aged woman, Natalie, who was living with a man who she anticipated would become her fourth husband. With that history, you can easily imagine her ability to handle relationships at all, with men or anybody else.
She was raised by a father who was somewhat dutiful but certainly not emotionally nourishing in any way. She had almost no memory of her mother, even though they lived in the same house for eighteen years. She certainly remembers no affection from her mother.
Natalie had no experience whatever with unconditional love. That’s why her first three marriages failed. That’s why her fourth relationship was about to fail.
To make things much more complicated, her present fiancé had two kids, and Natalie had decided long ago that she would NEVER have children, would never be responsible for children, and would never care for children. She knew she was not prepared for that, but somehow thought this relationship would work out.
Predictably, this relationship was a disaster. She argued often with her partner and couldn’t be on the same FLOOR of the house as the kids, who lived with her and her fiancé half the time. It was all getting worse by the week.
I listened to her story and said only, “Nobody has ever cared about you, kid, without wanting something from you.”
What Change Looks Like
She wept at feeling understood and from feeling even a moment of genuine compassion. We spoke daily for some time, and she began to trust the love she was feeling. She became calmer.
One day she told me on a video call that over the weekend she had enjoyed an entire day with the kids and her partner without tension. She couldn’t believe it had happened. She would not have imagined such a thing to be possible.
A week later in a peaceful tone and with a smile on her face she said, “My body has always been like a coiled spring, and I had aches and pains all the time. My chiropractor used to wonder if I would ever relax, but yesterday he said, ‘What happened to you? Your muscles are relaxed. You can bend your joints. It’s like a miracle.’”
She continued, “And I can feel what he’s talking about. My physical pains are gone. My fiancé says he can’t believe the difference in me. I’m not spoiling for a fight all the time, so he doesn’t feel like fighting me either.
"Now we agree on what to do in interactions with the kids, in things where we never agreed before. And now my fiancé is on board with Real Love. He’s studying it for himself, for our relationship, and for the kids.
"He never wanted to do that before. And the kids are hanging around us, wanting to play and talking to us about things in ways they never have.”
Natalie simply did what we have talked about in Real Love many times. She told the truth about herself. She was understood and accepted, and she took the giant leap to BELIEVE that. Because she had faith, she FELT the love she was given, and that began to change everything.
Turns out that she LIKES to feel loved—who knew?—and it’s dissolved the tension in her mind and body. The people around her can feel it, and they’re responding differently to her. They want to be around her.
If Natalie can do it, so can you. It’s not a complicated process. It just takes a bit of faith in the beginning.
