If we use too many words with our children, the more confused we sound, and the more confused they become. Keep your message short and your love a constant foundation and background for the words. THAT is loving and teaching.
Transcript:
An Example of Too Many Words
Not long ago a friend of mine, who is known for condensing any ten-word communication into two hundred words, went to the emergency room with pain.
The admitting nurse asked him what his problem was, and he began: “Last week I was having some bowel problems because I had strayed from my vegan, gluten-free diet … (more words) … And then I haven’t been sleeping all that well … (more words) … But at least I’m not suffering from the symptoms of the COVID shot, because … (more words) … And …”
At this point his wife interrupted, put her hand on the counter to get eye contact with the nurse, and said, “Sudden left arm pain, one hour ago.” The nurse called for immediate help to get my friend to an examination, testing, and cardiac monitoring. It turns out he WAS having a mild heart attack, and they were able to treat him appropriately.
He could have died from too many words. No kidding.
Effective Communication Rarely Involves More Words
So can our kids. When children don’t feel unconditionally loved by us, often our words are not particularly welcome. In fact, when we speak, it feels to them like each word is a bullet, and we’re using a machine gun to fire words at them.
How? Oh, we do it a lot.
We see a mess in the kitchen that Billy was supposed to clean up yesterday, and we begin the assault: “Billy! Come here. Look at that mess. There are dishes all over the place, and the floor is filthy, and how many times have I told you to do that job before you go to bed at night, and now I have a mess to work in when I try to fix dinner, and I’m sick and tired …” And on and on we go. They hate every word.
It turns out—surprise!—that better communication, more effective communication, RARELY involves more WORDS.
How Fewer Words is More Effective
So how can fewer words be more effective? Find Billy. Look into his eyes. Touch his shoulder, and say, “Billy, kitchen, now. Clean in twenty minutes.”
If he begins to protest that what he’s doing is very important, you touch him again: “Billy, now.”
If you’re not the least bit impatient, he’ll be (1) surprised and (2) MUCH more likely to finish his work than if you yell at him, which just unsettles his entire world and makes it impossible for him to focus.
Then, later, when the job is done and dinner over, you take him aside and explain, briefly, that you won’t be nagging him anymore. None. Hallelujah!
He simply has to have the kitchen clean by 4 pm, long before dinner—or whenever you choose—or he won’t be eating dinner, not at dinner time or afterward. Kids tend to be motivated by a twinge of hunger. He’ll be fine until breakfast.
The more words we use with our children, the more confused we sound, and the more confused they become. Keep your message short and your love a constant foundation and background for the words. THAT is lovingand teaching.
