Enjoy the miracle of being a parent. Enjoy holding them and helping them to feel the healing power of unconditional love. Don’t give up. Even Koi can teach us an important parenting principle.
Timestamps:
00:00 An account of resuscitating Koi from Greg's pond
05:27 Problems with our children.
06:30 Children require a great deal of attention. Don't give up.
Transcript:
The Resuscitated Koi—Didn't Give Up
For maybe 25 years I kept koi in two ponds on my property. Koi are those decorative fish of vivid colors—orange, red, silver, white, black—often seen in Japanese ponds, hotel lobbies, and the like.
Several years ago I was cleaning a pond and temporarily keeping the koi from that pond in a holding tank. That requires careful maintenance of water temperature, adequate aeration of the pond water, and more.
At one point I was driving by the holding tank on an ATV and received an impression that I needed to stop and check on the fish. Sure enough, one of the larger and more beautiful koi was lying on the ground outside the tank. Koi sometimes jump out of the water when they’re stressed.
This fish couldn’t possibly have looked worse. It was dried out, stiff, and completely motionless. Pieces of skin has sloughed off, dirt covered much of it, and flies were all over it. It could not have looked more dead.
But I thought, why would I feel this impression to stop and check on a fish that was dead? So I tried something I had once read about. I cradled the fish in my hands in the water of the tank, moving it forward and backward to create a flow of oxygenated water over the fish’s gills. The fish couldn’t move its own gill coverings to make water pass over its own gills, nor could it swim to create the flow. So oxygen flow was zero until I moved the fish.
I felt a little foolish at first, but I kept “resuscitating” that fish by moving it around for like half an hour before I saw the first twitch in the fish’s muscles. I would not have imagined that such a thing was possible.
After another half hour, the back fin moved, propelling the fish forward just a little. Eventually, I let the fish go, hoping it could swim. No, the koi just fell to the bottom of the tank, unmoving, on its back, and unable even to stay upright (the swim bladder was non-functional).
For about an hour and a half, I kept moving the fish around until finally it began to stay upright and move forward. That fish eventually recovered and stayed alive. It was very cool to see.
Why Children Behave Badly
Not until now had it occurred to me that my experience with the koi was so similar to our experience with children.
For example:
The koi jumped out of the water because it was stressed: new scenery, cramped quarters, different balance of air, bacteria, light, everything. Fish don’t like that.
Our children also behave badly—jumping off the path to a happy life—when they’re stressed or in pain.
I didn’t realize the koi had jumped out until it was almost dead. As parents often we don’t recognize the seriousness of our children’s behavior until it’s nearly too late—depression, attempted suicide, eating disorders, cutting, full-blown video addiction, any number of behaviors that render them unable to function in life.
I couldn’t just throw the koi back into the water and hope for the best. No, I had to really handle the fish gently, careful not to cause further injury but also with enough touch and energy to enable the resuscitation.
Similarly, our children require a great deal of attention once they’ve acquired patterns of feeling unloved. Intensive loving and guidance are necessary.
Don't Give Up
I could never have known that that fish would live until I put everything I had into it. I had every reason to just throw it in the garbage, but I didn’t. And so it is with our children.
Until we’ve done everything WE CAN do, how can we justify giving up and blaming their behavior on their being difficult, or rebellious, or having ADHD, or whatever? Don’t give up.
Enjoy the miracle of being a parent. Enjoy holding them and helping them to feel the healing power of unconditional love. We have the opportunity, the responsibility, and the calling, to give them this opportunity to heal, while we bring them closer to the love and joy they need.
