I have spoken on many occasions about the negative effects of praise on children. One effect is that it puts pressure on kids to achieve and thereby ruins the intrinsic fulfillment and fun that kids naturally derive from doing things well.
How Praise Kills the Fun
I found a particularly poignant example of this in an article I read on an ESPN website from January 2021. They wrote about Chicago Cubs third baseman Kris Bryant:
“Bryant, 29, is the only player in baseball history to win college player of the year, minor league player of the year, Rookie of the Year and Major League MVP in four consecutive seasons (2013-16).”
In an interview, Bryant recalled the joy of his dad picking him up after he hit his first home run as a kid. It was a lot of praise, and he worked hard to get more. But it wore off—as praise always does—and now he says that baseball just isn’t as much fun as it used to be. He said, “I just don’t care anymore . . . Is this even fun anymore? Why did I start playing this game? Because it was fun.”
But now it’s not. He lamented that even when he performs well, he doesn’t get the same attention (praise) he used to. So his motivation is disappearing, and his performance is dropping dramatically. “I don't have that joy right now,'" he said.
Praise is a real high in the beginning, but then—as with many drugs—the euphoria wears off, and the addict is left with a sense of emptiness and even betrayal.
As parents we must be aware of the superficial and temporary effects of praise, and give them what they really need: feedback, information, loving and teaching, as described in the Parenting Training. Loving and teaching never wears off.
