It’s the Fence

One day I sat on a hillside out in the middle of nowhere, watching a herd of cows grazing in a field. Gradually, one of the cows sauntered toward me, until he stood looking at me, with his neck extending over the fence.

Eventually, he tired of our silent conversation and returned to his wandering. At one point he leaned against a post supporting the fence between us. The post moved a little, which seemed to intrigue the cow, because he did it again. The post moved a bit more. The cow had found a toy. He moved the post again and again, and before long the post turned over in the wet soil, where it hung, flopping from the fence wires like a sapling in the wind.

This was one curious and persistent cow. He moved to the next post and pushed it over as well. Then a third, at which point one section of fence bent over almost to the ground. The cow proved to be adventuresome, because he gingerly stepped over the fallen fence and exited the previously enclosed field. He was free.

The cow wasn’t bad. He wasn’t malicious. He was just curious and willing to try new things. In the process, he knocked down the fence and gained what appeared to be his freedom. But there’s a reason that cows are kept behind fences. They’re protected from walking on to roads, where they can be hit by cars and trucks, for example. Without fences, cows encounter considerable danger.

Children are not unlike cows. Until they learn to make some choices, they need to be “fenced” or protected. As they grow in capacity to make choices, we increase their freedom to choose. We parents have the serious responsibility of keeping the fences maintained, with posts buried deeply enough that the fence won’t fall over with the inevitable pushing of our children. We’re not trying to keep them imprisoned forever, just protected from some choices until they’re ready to make them.