This is from a mother who has really dedicated herself to learning how to love and teach.
Learning Life at Home
She wrote: “We were at the city pool yesterday, and one of the workers, an older lady, came up to me and told me how well behaved my son, Tyler, was. She had asked him to stop doing something around the pool, and he had complied right away, instead of arguing about it—as apparently nearly all children do."
Greg: Nice work, Mom.
Mom: I told her that it was a skill we have been working on at home, and she said it's a lost behavior, not something many kids can do anymore. I will use that example with the other kids to reinforce how we are practicing at home for real life, not just following mom's crazy ideas.
Greg: Beautiful story. Everything taught in Real Love is NOT intended to make children more controllable, or so that they’re easier to deal with for US. We’re teaching them the Course of Life, which will benefit them for decades to come.
Learning Responsibility
Mom: How have we been teaching Tyler? Every time he is resistant, or displays other unloving or irresponsible attitudes, I have right away required him to get a pen and some paper, so he can write down the incident, what happened, what his response was—including his attitude—and how he might respond differently next time. He is getting better at it, and because he’s learning with words, he is getting fewer consequences.
Greg: Genius. We always want to try loving and teaching-with-words first, and only when that fails impose consequences that will make the unloving or irresponsible behavior unpleasant enough that the child will want to choose more wisely. You taught with words, and by requiring HIM to state what he learned, instead of just nagging him, telling him the lesson, or going straight to consequences. It's brilliant. It's the LESSON that needs to be LEARNED, not about punishing anybody. If somebody can learn from instruction, then why would we need consequences?
Consistency in Learning is Key
Mom: Tyler sometimes hates having to write, but not entirely. We sometimes both end up laughing during the process, and it creates conversation and connection and understanding—loving and teaching. The other day he had to write 3 essays in a row, because when he had finished the first, he had attitude again and again, so he needed to do two more. He has to number and date the essays, and sometimes it’s frustrating to him, but he’s also learning that it’s HIS choice to have an attitude that leads to the essays.
Greg: Your consistency has made all the difference to him. Nice work.
Our children need to be loved and taught, and if we are loving and consistent, we will see results.
Summary
We are teaching our children the principles that will make them happier and more fulfilled for their entire lives, not so they will be more easily controlled by us, their parents.
We repeat ourselves too often as we teach our children, and often we need to require THEM to state the principle involved in a situation, sometimes in writing.
We must love and teach our children CONSISTENTLY, and it can be very fun.
